I-Ching 48 The Well

For the past few nights, I have found myself repeating a story and being woken up by thoughts. How long have I been awake, theorizing and connecting dots with closed eyes? If they aren’t thoughts, they’re visions- visions so vivid that I question my timeline.

As I journey through life, I've noticed a pattern of reliving moments that once kept me up at night. I'm caught in a loop of deja vu. I see so clearly what is ahead of me, and, at the same time, so enveloped in the day-to-day as I watch people go about their lives in their cycle of stagnant repetition.

I hear chains. People drag their chains and convince themselves this is how life should be, that there is no other choice. The chains get louder. I look up, the sky shifts in color, and a new shade of blue appears.

I feel a deep caving within my chest as I sense myself wanting to go deeper into my thoughts. What was this blue trying to express to me? 

We don’t look at the sky as often as we should. We don’t let the colors penetrate our being like we should. Moment by moment, the colors change, just as we should, but we don’t because we’re ready to get the next thing out of the way. We’re prepared to live in a future that hasn’t arrived, yet ill-prepared to put ideas into action.

Maybe my lack of sleep made me moody; I was becoming irritated with people’s lack of acknowledgment of the mundane. More and more, I notice how people take time for granted. Ah yes, the concept of time. Often seen as an enemy. However, I remind myself that time is my greatest ally.

Currently, the pace of life is decelerating more profoundly than in previous experiences. When this happens, I am asked to look closely at my reality. It’s as if I was handed a magnifier, “pay attention,” says the Universe, “Find the pattern, shift the timeline, put in the action, and the vision unfolds.” 

My adaptability in all its facets is undergoing scrutiny now. The suppleness of my mind and the teachings of the Universe seek to impart wisdom at what feels like the least opportune moment. “As above, so below,” I say to myself to check my attitude.

The last thing I want is for the Universe to think I'm ungrateful. I’m just tired. As the sky transitions into a captivating hue of blue, I ponder if another restless night awaits. When my head lies on the pillow, I remind myself it's already happening. I ask myself what I truly want in my life because unacknowledged destructive patterns will find their way to be seen.

I know the journey tells all, and time is the greatest storyteller. Time wants to show us how stories unfold if we step back and give control over them. I tell time that I promise I’m trusting the journey and that I don’t know what’s keeping me up at night but to please let me rest so I can easily fulfill the day's journey.

I fall deep into waves of sleep when I hear a voice say, “Do you believe?” I awaken. In who? In what? Why do the messages have to be so dramatic? 

I lay there, immersed in the spirals of the night. My mind raced with words as if I were trying to tell myself a message or a story, but it was incomplete. Concentrating only made it worse. I recognize this feeling. My inner gnosis seeks expression within me.

I maintain a state of emptiness and neutrality, allowing it room to grow. I sense its proximity, and suddenly, it takes over—an instantaneous shift in my sense of being and understanding. I don’t know how much more humbling I can take. I see it all so clearly. I feel as if my deep love for the void burdens me and scares others.

I so badly want us all to join together and dive into the depths of the shades of ourselves that we all fear. My love for what is found on the other side wants to create a force that isn’t sustainable. I see where most people are, and I know the sorrow in their eyes. I see how badly we all want to be what we’ve been taught isn’t acceptable, to be ourselves. It’s in us, alive and deep within the well of consciousness. It is accessible, and if I could, I would reach in myself and pull it into the light for others so it has a chance to breathe.

That is the vision, the bigger picture, to see the collective living so freely. Do I believe it can happen? There it is. It wasn’t if I believed it could happen; it was if I believed I could make it happen for myself- once again. Again and again. 

I've repeatedly proven myself to myself, so why wasn’t it enough? What wasn’t working? Amidst this repetition, a stubborn pattern persists, obstructing the path to my ultimate vision. I know what needs to change.

To forge a new path, I must say goodbye to the person I've long known, a bitter but necessary departure. A long, defeated sigh escapes me into the darkness. My ego clings desperately, reluctant to release its grip on all the ideas of what I know. How could I let go when it seems most needed?

I reminded myself I did not want to become what I had been seeing in others. I reflect on the myriad shades of blue recently witnessed. Regardless of the hues, blue remains blue. No matter how much metamorphosis occurs, at the core, I am undeniably me. 

What did believing in myself mean in this moment? As I lay there, gazing into the void that hinders my sleep, a mantra echoes: Trust yourself. It's not just about trust; it's about trusting yourself so profoundly that it makes others question their own convictions.

Trust yourself so deeply that only the Universe's confirmation resonates. Trust that this year is about creating fuel until you reach the desired vision. Trust the dragon that moves up the spine and through your mind undoubtedly knowing what it wants.

See yourself in your true light, not through the distorted lens of others. Their perception is just a small glimpse of what's naturally within your reach if you trust in what's right for you. I embrace the mystery, defying the world's notion of impossibility as if the impossible doesn’t exist. I choose to expand consciousness to a point where it knows no bounds.

I am aware of the possible consequences ahead, but am aware of repeating the past. I place my hand over my heart, whispering, 'As above, so below,' accepting everything as it is. A gentle surrender. I look out the window, and it’s dawn—the darkest shade of blue.